"We live to change"
Xandra: Bachelor Social Science, but not working. Complex PTSD from my early puberty, which affected all areas of my life and personality. It was only later in life that I was diagnosed with complex PTSD. That's why I say: 'Stand up for yourself, look for good help, do not think it’s your fault .' PTSD is a deep injury. Learn to take care of and accept your own vulnerability, in the light of your self-esteem. Claim your own space again. Now it is your time!
"If you don’t dare to feel how do you know what your own truth is?"
As a child I had distracted myself from trusting in my own feelings and I attuned mainly to what others wanted. They knew better, it soon became painfully clear to me. To conceal my vulnerability, I was strong and cheerful. I was afraid that others would find out that I was actually worth nothing, and I held myself tightly behind my mask of strength. In this way the emptiness and the fear within myself became ever greater and the contact with my feelings became more and more in the background. It was going to be a long search for my own truth, but I didn't know that then.
"No matter how deep I fall, I can always get up again"
Learning to express negative feelings and thoughts formed the bridge to being busy with my trauma past. Slowly I learned that it was not all my own fault, but that others had deliberately abused me. The fear that arose from the confrontation with the past, carefully gave way to a little self-confidence. And I noticed that I could get up, every time, always.
"You can be there with everything that belongs with you"
Slowly I learned to be myself again and to trust myself "you are good as you are". Both a wise woman and a playful girl, both powerful and vulnerable, both serious and humorous That you can be there as a person with everything that belongs with you. By showing both your strength and your vulnerability, you show your wholeness and you are a free person.
'' Nobody is perfect''
The ways of someone with complex PTSD are very difficult to walk and it can take a long time before you actually know what you want and can do with your life. But the more you allow yourself to be influenced by what someone else says or does, the more you become removed from yourself. Nobody is perfect and in this world everyone only shows how good they are and little attention is paid to the struggles that preceded it. Do you really listen to what your feelings tell you and what your truth is or do you allow it to be clouded by your or other people's expectations or by what society or the world expects of you?
Find your own truth
For those who suffer from complex PTSD and carry a history of abuse, the word truth has a shrill sound: they were not believed and had to live in a diffuse world of violence, fear and self-denial. What was true What was not true? Am I believed? An exploration of the reality in the past and the lies that were made true. How do you then end up on the path of your own truth? Without finding and sharing your own truth, it is not possible to really connect, not even with yourself. Investigating what is important and off value to you is of great importance on the path of self-exploration and recognition.
Your truth may be covered to a greater or lesser extent by the truths of others. You learn norms, values and visions of, for example, parents, teachers, friends, partners, the media, public opinion, and so on. You learn how it should be and how it should be done. That has a social function, but can also make it complicated to stay with yourself, follow your heart and choose your own path. There are then, as it were, "layers" around your core. Your truth, which is about who you are and how you feel in life, has become covered.
The voyage of discovery with yourself and with the discovery of what has become covered. This process starts with becoming aware of the truths that are not really yours and requires patience, attention and much awareness.
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