"We all know what the world needs and those who are chained in fear. Some don't have the light in sight to see and are astray.
We all have the wisdom to cure ourselves, but most of all to feel the permission to cry and heal and not be abandoned. It's no more silence, no more ignoring including yourself"
Male survivor, initiator website, bachelor clinical psychology not active, became so confused that I got a mix of PTSD and psychosis later on in life, now for 6 years free of it. The wisdom of the heart or feelings you don't find in textbooks op psychology or psychiatry. Free yourself, takes time though. Pitty and in fact shameful that and so discarding that the effects of - mostly chronic - abuse are still a few lines in textbooks of clinical- or developmental psychology.
Cracks in my soul
A soul, a spirit abstract
Floating upon inner despair
like an orphan, without caring,
A house of soul,
inner gray and desolate
Sink into being inexpressible
A child, a boy, a silent scream
Never seen or heard, noticed
A scream silenced
No echo, no recognition.
An empty inner room
But now my mind and inner voice
talks to it, a new mother
Like a loving spirit
I let light shine inwards
on what it hoped
what it needed
what and who he was and is.
The foundation of (Complex) PTSD therapy; why sexual abuse is more or less still a taboo
"Many are disturbed and confused children in search of a safe place to cry and overcome"
Recently neurological research - see Research section - shows that the insula (responsible for, among other things, empathy) of traumatized boys is larger than that of abused girls and certainly in comparison to a control group without experiences of abuse. I have been saying this for decades that boys and men have different problems in relation to female victims. We tend to sometimes unconsciously see them as potential perpetrators or men who don't know what to do with their sexuality. After all, men are always initiators of sexual contacts - which, by the way, is not true - and furthermore through a assumption that sexuality must be something divine result of love. Boys can become entangled in this tangle of often disgust of longing for love or acceptance and abuse, unconscious mental repetition and disgust with their own feelings that they link this to their misconception about sex and love or relationships. That victims sometimes repeat the abuse in their mind seems strange, but is nothing more than overcoming the fear and event through mental repetition. Like children do by imagining a fearful situation and overcoming the fear.
The mental health care has too much a tendency to want to analyze memories and therefore feelings - the tendency to want to cognitify experiences - but I continue to insist that abuse experiences and therefore traumas are simply about experiences and therefore feelings and that is where the mental health care turns with a big bow around it. (See Bessel van der Kolk: psychiatry ignores trauma) There are also many who prefer to think in terms of a personality disorder, such as the frequently diagnosed BPD instead of trauma-related development or Complex PTSD. Men are therefore often not given the opportunity to share their experiences and express their views in an expert manner - read unprejudiced. Many agree - such as Ron van Outsem "author abuse of boys" that men should be destigmatized and apologized. After all, these thoughts, coupled with feelings of shame and fear, keep the boy and therefore man mentally imprisoned. Furthermore, male victims tend to minimize their problems as a result. (see Jos van den Broek "There are no names for it") Insiders are aware that abuse was first and foremost thought of girls as victims and only much later among boys. (Church: abuse) It is also important that the counselor teaches the client to feel that sexuality can mean something else and that the counselor is a kind of role model. A bad attachment can be restored and is easy to treat, so that those who are unsafely, avoided or else can be safely attached. Perhaps there are men who have the experience that love should mean instead of a consequence of loving. But unfortunately there is little knowledge about male victims, yet there is enough literature about it in the university libraries. After years I have noticed that men report reluctantly.
In psychiatry, people reason from reducing or accepting illness and disease behavior, but in essence these men, and therefore someday boys, are not inherently ill. Their being or core is healthy and they must work from that, that is to put them in contact with their real feelings, needs and not just assume that their fears, doubts and even more is a sign of weakness or illness. This imaginary bond these men have with their problems and think or see that it is a sign of non-masculinity or a weakness must be broken. Their problem is often even more than with girls that the environment and therefore bystanders often did not even intervene and protect the young. Our perception of men, sexuality and what makes men masculine is only a collective assumption. So more about how a man should be. It is important, as Ron van Outsem says, that the counselor is also aware of his own upbringing or perception of sexuality. The word abuse alone evokes taboo in many people and an atmosphere of mysterious privacy sensitive information is something you only share with Jesus. Grief, such as mourning, is often something we as a bystander want to take away from someone, but feelings of grief, anger are part of a trauma and therefore mourning.
Why we should be careful when diagnosing a personality disorder and why this is just a stereotyping that does not conform to current neurological knowledge. Knowledge of which professor Dick Swaab says, among other things, personality is how nerves of different brainparts, in particular, are connected. This is different for everyone and is influenced by circumstances. The following speaks for itself and we should actually leave the concept of personality disorder out of the DSM, all the more so because it has no scientifically neurological basis. The following from Science Daily speaks for itself:
"Brain Structure Corresponds to Personality
Personalities come in all kinds. Now psychological scientists have found that the size of different parts of people’s brains correspond to their personalities; for example, conscientious people tend to have a bigger lateral prefrontal cortex, a region of the brain involved in planning and controlling behavior. Psychologists have worked out that all personality traits can be divided into five factors, commonly called the Big Five: conscientiousness, extraversion, neuroticism, agreeableness, and openness/intellect.
Colin DeYoung at the University of Minnesota and colleagues wanted to know if these personality factors correlated with the size of structures in the brain. For the study, 116 volunteers answered a questionnaire to describe their personality, then had a brain imaging test that measured the relative size of different parts of the brain. A computer program was used to warp each brain image so that the relative sizes of different structures could be compared. Several links were found between the size of certain brain regions and personality. The research appears in Psychological Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological Science.
For example, “Everybody, I think, has a common sense of what extraversion is – someone who is talkative, outgoing, brash,” says DeYoung. “They get more pleasure out of things like social interaction, amusement parks, or really just about anything, and they’re also more motivated to seek reward, which is part of why they’re more assertive.” That quest for reward is thought to be a leading factor in extraversion. Earlier studies had found parts of the brain that are active in considering rewards. So DeYoung and his colleagues reasoned that those regions should be bigger in people who are more extraverted. Indeed, they found that one of those regions, the medial orbitofrontal cortex – it’s just above and behind the eyes – was significantly larger in study subjects with a lot of extraversion.
The study found similar associations for conscientiousness, which is associated with planning; neuroticism, a tendency to experience negative emotions that is associated with sensitivity to threat and punishment; and agreeableness, which relates to parts of the brain that allow us to understand each other’s emotions, intentions, and mental states. Only openness/intellect didn’t associate clearly with any of the predicted brain structures. “This starts to indicate that we can actually find the biological systems that are responsible for these patterns of complex behavior and experience that make people individuals,” says DeYoung. He points out, though, that this doesn’t mean that your personality is fixed from birth; the brain grows and changes as it grows. Experiences change the brain as it develops, and those changes in the brain can change personality."
Source : Science Daily
As bystanders we think or tend to think that it is a problem that we must solve with reason. Often bystanders approach victims with advice, but we simply are afraid or reluctant to listen to their feelings. We often avoid these people because we think that life must mean happiness, that pain and sorrow are something that we must resolve and avoid, and that it is up to us if things go wrong. We think that care should provide the solution, but it is in fact no more than a place to finally feel the right to cry, to be angry and to come to terms with so much setback, llack of support and experienced misery or trauma. In other words, trauma and abuse are not visible wounds. Many care providers avoid this subject anxiously and partly because they were not confronted with it during their education or training. Once again men must be given the opportunity to express their true feelings without wanting to be a judge and a lawyer. Men sometimes start to question their memories and therefore doubt, ignore, and become entangled in all kinds of thoughts. Especially those who have been admitted to a chronic setting are often told "just focus on the healthy in you". In fact, you can say that psychiatry with this chronic message never gives men air to get to their core and therefore orphans. That these memories go hand in hand with a sense of despair often due to years of misunderstanding and fear of naming and discussing things. But psychiatry is and remains a world in which people think and act on the basis of illness is in fact no foundation for real help with traumatization.
Finally, we must have some restraint in diagnosing a personality disorder, and this is because many - as the digital survey also testifies - have often been abused for years. It is then rather a matter of trauma-related development and therefore of complex PTSD. It would be good to ask experts how young victims with current problems or behavior might develop into a particular disorder. What applied to psychoanalysis is that it turned out to be more of an explanation afterwards than that one could make predictions about any neurotic development. The latter turned out not to be the case. Long-term research of longtidunal research is a costly and time-consuming activity, but I also expect that the development based on experienced events, behavior and problems will also not provide clarity. Is behavior a survival mechanism or does it belong to the person, are social conflicts part of a disorder or is it fear of closeness, intimacy, sadness, pain and problems with emotion regulation. In short, what do we know about a person's development with decades of abuse, concealed, forgotten, current knowledge of trauma and personality disorders can provide clarity or is it and will continue to determine afterwards. To be honest - you can feel it already - no. But there will come a time when people will see differences more and more through imaging techniques, partly due to AI, including similarities and perhaps to support a diagnosis. That is why the brain foundation says neorological research is necessary and highly desirable. But more than that, that imaging techniques also give more clarity in positive restorative influences and why