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Do I have attachments-problems

Why child sexual-abuse has so many social consequences.

Human contact or experiencing contact and trust is so essential in relationships and to feel ourselves; we share our emotions, we tell each other our thoughts, make relationships, doing things in trust for one another, that abuse of your body and trust and often our feelings, that not coping a trauma like abuse, can cause all sorts of interpersonal problems. Some are so damaged that they don't experience a bond due to fear and memories it evokes. Feeling attached in the sense of a felt inner band that we need ourselves to feel a free person, loved without being enslaved is very essential. Children are looking for this attachment with respect for their needs and feelings. To attach and detach is something we do our whole life. Children do not attach by definition only to a mother or father, but to anyone who is accessible. Still, it is unfortunately the stereotype of perpetrator and victim, that of a man and a woman. I heard in the news about victims of the church and little or nothing about female offenders. When looking closer, if you're interested, is the fact that nuns also do such things. It is perhaps not so obvious to us, because women are often seen as caring educators.

It's even more confusing for men to be abused by a woman. Often because boys physically respond to the abuse. But the body only reacts to stimuli and that is never a sign that a boy is a willing partner. After some searching on the internet I came across the concept of Narcissistic mothers who abuse the child emotionally for their own ego. The underlying personality disorder should be the  reason of the abuse between mother and son. But the reality also according to the vice squad is that some women do abuse their children because of money profit, some are the creators and that some women initiate the abuse with male offenders. Some do it by force of the male perpetrator, but there are also women who are not often seen as perpetrators because the abuse takes place  during care. It is important to see abuse as a form of abuse of power or responsibility to anyone. It also means that we must not distinguish between race, gender or background. What abuse does to you is that the unity of mind and body gets entangled in a web of guilt, shame, fear, disgust and as it were infected with the desires and thoughts of the perpetrator. Your skin is no longer your own. It is repossessed. You lose yourself. The pain and shame buries deep down in your belly. Thus, the offender is as it were in your body and mind, thinking and feeling penetrated. Some become so confused that they eventually become psychotic, some people become depressed and anxious, some see the bottle as a solution.



"Care for me ..... go away; the result of attachment problems and (sexual) child abuse?

Studies show that many people with borderline often also report child abuse. People with borderline are often impulsive, sometimes also with regard to substance use and other activities. They testify inner conflicting emotions and thoughts sometimes ambivalent thoughts and feelings, as if they can not come out in the middle. People with borderline often do not know what to do with these inner conflicting feelings and needs, can balance between being or feeling lonely, sometimes with separation anxieties and intense contacts. When they are alone, they often feel lonely and empty inside. They are thus sometimes said to lack an inner representation of people who care about them.

They are often very emotional and can enter into intense contacts in relationships in which they can be emotionally demanding. Often they also suffer from mood disorders such as recurrent depression. Because of their inner contradiction and tendency to make intense contacts or sometimes avoid them, this can sometimes turn into a psychosis, of which they recover reasonably quickly. Borderliners without forms of child abuse or separation anxieties / fears of attachment appear to be genetically predisposed. What they do not do or seem to have trouble with it, it to have a nuanced feeling. With a little help or time they seem to progress. Meditation like Mindfullness and learn not to let their feelings "boil over" can help. Also forms of "acceptance-treatment" can help. It is possible that their regulatory parts of the brain, such as the orbitofrontal and medial & ventral prefrontal cortex, are not well developed. Has now also been shown neurologically. But fortunately you can train the brain and thus restore it in a certain sense. Their problems are the contradictory feelings and thoughts that can come up impulsively and what I call "boiling over the potatoes". (The fire or gas are the emotions)

Often they have a lot of changing relationships. As a toddler, the child may never have had the opportunity to have their feelings and needs answered in a normal way, if insecurity, abuse, real danger, emotional indifference of the parents played a role. Outsiders do not know how to deal with them sometimes and the person self often also do not. The old term is called "character neurosis." - is outdated and old-fashioned - But contrary to what this term suggests, it is not a neurotic development, rather an underdevelopment of the above-mentioned regulatory parts of the brain. Then the person suffers. Sometimes also in extreme cases the environment, which sometimes will avoid this person out of fear of conflicts. A well-known psychologist once said to me "someone with BPD without attachment problems, I can do nothing with it ..." A well-known and in the US working psychologist, working a lot with traumatized people and wrote a lot about it, Bessel van der Kolk states that many people with BPD also have PTSD and actually had to deal with early childhood traumatization. Attachment is fundamental in this, often the abusive parents themselves are also abused and therefore do not know how to deal with care and what simply means love. I once saw on TV a documentary about a factory Nazi baby farm in which women with soldiers made  many baby's who were only cleaned and fed but barely or not touched. In the film, it was stated that a number of babies died unexplained. Of course there are phases in brain development, but that does not mean the assumption that missed phases can never be made good again. The brain is a adaptive organ. A well-known psychologist and psychotherapist N. Nicolay argues that unsafe attached clients and thus, in a sense, other attachment forms can be made safe in therapy. It would be good if this awareness comes more and more and attachment problems and history of abuse is checked as the basis of relationship problems and thus, in addition to real insecurity because of abuse  can be a better explanation of what one sees as behavior and symptoms. I also propose to get a better picture of the impact of good therapy that one makes a brain scan in the beginning and after a certain time to see if the neurological effects improve. If this is the case, that is only one reason for putting more money into training and the presence of good therapists instead of the expensive and therefore not yielding chronic care.

The confusing effects of cluster A and B of personality disorders in PTSD, type 2 trauma

In terms of personality disorders we can better start from the concept OCEAN or the big-five of personality disorders that often has a genetic background - partly genetic and partly acquired - the person has and how the person responds. With a high score of Neuroticism we can expect generalized anxiety disorder, mood disorders, panic disorder and agoraphobia. Favorable is a high score for openness for experience, extraversion and consciousnesses. There is little or no research known of the influences of these factors concerning treatment of PTSD. Borderline often has much to do with the interaction patterns based on insecure or dismissive attachment combined with impulsiveness. Nevertheless, it is important to interpret the patterns of behavior correctly.

PTSD with the many anxieties and chronic distrust can result in that people have difficulties to build up stable relationships. Borderline is actually more or less become a name calling for difficult patients with high drop-out. However, recent experiences also show that clients are often motivated. Nevertheless, investing in a good relationship and trust forms the basis for correction of the cognition through cognitive restructuring. DIS and BPD look alike somehow and both have dissociation and interpersonal problems experienced by chronic mistrust and insecurity. It is time that empirical data of treatment results for people with PTSD and cluster A and B of personality disorders become more known.